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Submitted on
July 25
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I exit through the door one last time,
The charade of hugs and kisses finally over.
We say our goodbyes and "I love you"s,
When in reality we cannot wait to escape.  

Tears are shed but none on my part,
For I can only dream of letting the salty water run down my cheeks.
I force a smile to my lips as we wave adieu,
But how can I be happy with the knowledge that I have obtained?

For you see, my home is no longer home.
This land that was once a familiar comfort,
A wonderland escape from my current area of residence,
My true home when I leave.

But now it is no longer my safe haven,
It no longer embraces me like a mother's hug,
It no longer provides me with a peace of mind,
I am truly alienated from this place.

A loneliness that I have never felt before has swamped my very senses,
Leaving me feeling cold and naked.
I try to shed tears for my lost home,
But I cannot muster the strength to break free of this wretched emptiness.

The hole that used to be filled with the happiness of being here has been left bare,
A hollowed area within my chest that is now raw and open for all to see.
Please, something come along and ease this aching,
This longing for a place to call my own.

I am now but a wanderer,
In search of a home.
A place to call my own.
A land that fulfills my desire for wonder and bliss.

One where I can close my eyes and feel right with this world,
One where with every breath I feel satisfied, in no more want of anything more.
A place that provides me with serenity,
One that I do not wish to run away from.

Where, where can I find this mystical land?
Will there ever be a place for me?
Or am I doomed to forever travel this world,
Always seeking that which will never be mine?

A home.
A place that accepts me.
Will I ever find one?
Or is it just not meant to be?
Written at 2:22 AM on July 26th. This is nothing more than a quickie to vent my feelings. I'm leaving Central NY later today and going back to where I live in Kentucky.. And I have been devastated because I no longer feel like I belong here. I lived in NY for 8 years, but it seems my ties have finally been cut. It's been upsetting me because even though I have lived in KY for four years, I feel very alienated there as well. I'm just feeling very lost in life right now. If you read this, thank you!
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:iconno-ones-socks:
No-Ones-Socks Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  New member Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling lost. I hope you can find a home again :)
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:iconkayyvenom:
KayyVenom Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
Thank you so much. It means a lot. :)
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:icondonnarider:
DonnaRider Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!
But I feel sorry for you.
You know... maybe you don't need a place to call home. Sometimes people are what makes you feel like your home. And I'm sure you'll feel home when you find them. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you :hug:
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:iconkayyvenom:
KayyVenom Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014
True... Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. ❤️I'll just keep on searching for those people. I'm sure I'll come across them one day. :)
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:iconmittensandpoppy:
mittensandpoppy Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, this really spoke to me, for I moved from Nottingham (Robin Hood land lol) to Leeds and i always hated Nottingham it's such a shallow-minded city full of bullies, and it being so small it was a case that everyone knew everyone. When I moved to Leeds I was so excited, to me it was a fresh start but even so I understand how you feel. I don't feel I belong here either. I suppose its a strange thing to think about, but perhaps we aren't suppose to belong? After all, in reality it's just pieces of land and our belongings are just stuff not matter how much we grow attached to it. Maybe that's a little morbid, but even though you love 267422357854337864 million miles away, I feel like you have accepted me and I feel like we really know each other, and I hope you feel the same back. I'm always referring to you as my best friend so you may not feel accepted where you are, but know you are someplaces!
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:iconkayyvenom:
KayyVenom Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014
Thank you so, so much. I really needed to read that. I feel like we know each other as well, and I think that's why I feel so comfortable when I do talk to you.. Because I don't have to pull out the usual masks that I do when talking to someone. I guess I had convinced myself that it had to be land, since most people I've spoken to where I live I basically put up this act just because I am the literal opposite of what is "acceptable" there. I always refer to you as "My best friend in England who is beyond awesome" honestly, heheh. <3
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